One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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