So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
