So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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