the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
