Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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