I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
