Taylor Swift is so right about you.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
