thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
