in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
