oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
