i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
