I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
