oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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