he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?