Texts From Last Night

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  (546): View more from

  Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.

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  (546): Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money. http://tfl.nu/o990
  Replies (65) Good night (2883) Bad night (743)
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  (310): View more from California

  i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.

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  (310): i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details. http://tfl.nu/0mu6
  Replies (4) Good night (694) Bad night (2161)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.

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  (425): Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange. http://tfl.nu/6ccw
  Replies (19) Good night (1310) Bad night (5491)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.

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  (703): Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day. http://tfl.nu/0otc
  Replies (21) Good night (956) Bad night (6638)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan

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  (815): Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan http://tfl.nu/827h
  Replies (20) Good night (7938) Bad night (1584)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this

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  (918): I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this http://tfl.nu/kupi
  Replies (6) Good night (1763) Bad night (737)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur

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  (386): And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur http://tfl.nu/llqd
  Replies (8) Good night (5116) Bad night (1311)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...

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  (+44): A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh... http://tfl.nu/ky7u
  Replies (5) Good night (615) Bad night (1907)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable

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  (810): Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable http://tfl.nu/3me5
  Replies (7) Good night (3196) Bad night (578)
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  (415): View more from California

  Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage

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  (415): Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage http://tfl.nu/93nr
  Replies (4) Good night (914) Bad night (435)
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  (408): View more from California

  Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?

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  (408): Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection? http://tfl.nu/3s68
  Replies (2) Good night (921) Bad night (473)
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Sunday is the day of rest.

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.

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  (857): Sunday is the day of rest. (857): As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest. http://tfl.nu/lma5
  Replies (3) Good night (2062) Bad night (507)
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  (323): View more from California

  He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"

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  (323): He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best" http://tfl.nu/tw6h
  Replies (3) Good night (1291) Bad night (419)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.

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  (262): I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry. http://tfl.nu/6bad
  Replies (2) Good night (356) Bad night (507)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.

  (1-219): View more from Indiana

  secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.

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  (219): I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo. (1-219): secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world. http://tfl.nu/oy0x
  Replies (0) Good night (346) Bad night (240)

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