hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.