Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?

(1-512): View more from Texas

yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.

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(512): hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one? (1-512): yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go. http://tfl.nu/pwrk

Replies (18) Good night (3881) Bad night (733)
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(631): View more from New York

You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.

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(631): You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk. http://tfl.nu/huyr

Replies (9) Good night (6138) Bad night (864)
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(872): View more from Illinois

mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning

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(872): mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning http://tfl.nu/e3e8

Replies (11) Good night (1465) Bad night (4754)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college

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(778): I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college http://tfl.nu/2nnj

Replies (13) Good night (4598) Bad night (1674)
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(818): View more from California

Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.

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(818): Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested. http://tfl.nu/vry7

Replies (15) Good night (4888) Bad night (1202)
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(217): View more from Illinois

i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here

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(217): i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here http://tfl.nu/dmaq

Replies (18) Good night (1715) Bad night (2447)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO

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(303): Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO http://tfl.nu/1w33

Replies (6) Good night (1640) Bad night (886)
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(941): View more from Florida

Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?

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(941): Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass? http://tfl.nu/sdtw

Replies (4) Good night (1820) Bad night (675)
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(519): View more from Ontario

He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.

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(519): He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier. http://tfl.nu/icz2

Replies (9) Good night (3741) Bad night (1122)
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(330): View more from Ohio

Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..

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(330): Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand.. http://tfl.nu/4ww2

Replies (11) Good night (1578) Bad night (581)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.

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(651): OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high. http://tfl.nu/rjps

Replies (2) Good night (1287) Bad night (729)
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(519): View more from Ontario

We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.

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(519): We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars. http://tfl.nu/3me1

Replies (8) Good night (934) Bad night (349)
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(214): View more from Texas

We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.

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(214): We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla. http://tfl.nu/hnzh

Replies (1) Good night (835) Bad night (353)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."

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(859): Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace." http://tfl.nu/re9p

Replies (1) Good night (749) Bad night (268)
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(816): View more from Missouri

At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works

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(816): At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works http://tfl.nu/txc2

Replies (3) Good night (539) Bad night (239)

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