he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
