You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?