in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize