rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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