well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Your cock deserves a montage
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
