we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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