Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
