i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
