I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
