Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
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My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
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I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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