The maid of honor just puked.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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