....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so let's talk penis.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
