yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
