When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
