ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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