you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
