how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
