i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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