My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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