did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
