Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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