another moral hangover. fuck.
I can text with my tongue
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
