First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
