put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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