It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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