Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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