Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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