She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
