So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
