can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
