cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
