I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think I am morally bankrupt
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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