Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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