16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My life is pants optional.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
