You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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