I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
