just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
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How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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