the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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