We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
