I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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