Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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