Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize