Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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