Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
