Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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