Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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