I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
