Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
