Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
