Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
