I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
