there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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