oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
