after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
