my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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